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Undeserved

June 18, 2013
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I don’t deserve this job as a mother

I think, as I stand at the sink washing

an entire household’s day of dishes

that no one else seems to see.

 

I don’t deserve this job as a mother

I think, as I organize the day,

with it’s challenges of who goes where

at what time and with whom.

 

I don’t deserve this job as mother

I think (early in the morning), as I stumble from my bed

to wake the masses

in time to complete forgotten chores before their days begin.

 

I don’t deserve this job as a mother

I think, as I sit with my baby

and cry over the disappointment

the day brought upon her.

 

I don’t deserve this job as a mother

I think (late at night), as I lay in my bed

agonizing over decisions I’ve made that day.

Did I handle everything correctly?

 

I don’t deserve this job as a mother

I think, as I receive forgiveness

for lashing out in frustration,

at the end of my rope.

 

The unexpected hug, the kiss,

the moment when I look into beautiful eyes

that understand what I am doing

and I hear “thank you” “I love you” “you are the best, mom”

No, I don’t deserve this job as a mother.

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