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He Said/She Said – “Where Should We Eat?”

October 25, 2011

Just for fun, and also to get our creative juices flowing, my husband and I have decided to begin a new venture. Taking a topic, we will both write our own opinion (without reading the other’s first) and then post them to our respective blogs. You can find a link to Jerry’s blog here to read his side of the story.

She Said:

“Where should we eat?” A seemingly innocuous question with so many repercussions.  Being a sensitive “significant other,” we both feel it is necessary to acquiesce to the wishes of the other. And in making that decision, starting what has been a very exasperating battle of the sexes.

You can’t tell me you haven’t been in on this conversation at one point or other.

“Where should we eat?”
“I don’t know. What do you think?”
“Well, what are you in the mood for?”
“I don’t know. What about you?” (Said by both parties)
“I really don’t care. You can pick something.”

Now, pause for a moment to ponder what has been said. NOTHING, absolutely nothing, has been accomplished here! In our car the conversation usually begins with Jerry, but even if I begin it, what follows is always the same…

Jerry: “Well, we could go to_______________.”

Stop! In my mind, we are still discussing places, so my reply invariably is…

Me: “I’m not in the mood for _______________.”

On a deeper level, I understand the frustration that my response could bring. I know men like to find the solution to every problem like it is some kind of foe to defeat, and before Jerry is a problem, apparently of great magnitude, like a dragon in need of slaying. (I realize the imagery I am depicting may be exaggerated, but it flows well with Jerry’s exasperation which surely follows.)

Jerry: “OK, what about _______________?”

I realize that my next answer might seem harsh, but after a few years of marriage, you’d think this wouldn’t even have to be said.

Me: “You know I don’t like their _______________.”

I don’t say this about every place, but there are a couple of places that I really don’t care for and he knows about them. He shouldn’t even suggest them. Maybe it’s the way women are wired, everything running together like a big plate of spaghetti, but I am remembering that he didn’t care a few minutes ago, so it shouldn’t matter if I say no to a couple of the places suggests.

Jerry: “You pick somewhere. I can’t help. You’re shooting down all my ideas.”

I don’t really think I’m shooting down his ideas. I am deciding by process of elimination. What he doesn’t know it that the process has already started in my mind…I have eliminated quite a few destinations that he does not even know about. Should I be aware that my negative responses would be viewed similarly to the cavewoman’s refusal to eat the rabbit meat her caveman has dutifully thrown at her? That woman probably got drug by her hair outside the cave for that one. I think we’ve come farther than that.

With all the years we’ve had together, getting to know each other, I know we both understand what’s going on…at least in the deeper sense. But, that immediate reaction to each other in a circumstance of disagreement is still strong, unfortunately. Or maybe, we just enjoy the tiff on occasion. And so, we learn how to respond appropriately to one another and be able to live together. We gain experience and wisdom each time.

Wisdom for me is to always have a fallback restaurant we both enjoy…

Check out Jerry’s side here.  Any topics you would like to suggest?

2 Comments leave one →
  1. November 2, 2011 10:55 am

    This really spoke to me at MOPS. My husband and I have the exact same conversation regarding where to eat. I have been working on this for awhile – really, not being so dang bossy and letting other people decide and coming up with other ways to communicate.

    I hope you don’t mind me sharing on my blog!

    brittany arnold

    • Marla permalink*
      November 3, 2011 12:28 am

      Brittany, I’m honored that you gleaned something from my talk and also were able to use it in your blog! Truly, I deal with this issue so often…it can be embarrassing at times!

      Be blessed!

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